What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
