My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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