I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
