By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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