matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
