no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
