hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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