Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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