I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
