is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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