u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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