Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
