Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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