:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
