It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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