Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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