I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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