normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
