Swine flu. Run for my life!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
