I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
