the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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