In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
