She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
