five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
