drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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