You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
