you have to choose: penises or morals?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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