omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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