'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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