phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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