its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
