So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
there was a trapeze. enough said
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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