i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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