Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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