well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
