I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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