k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
