is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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