Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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