He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
