Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
