bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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