oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
