I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
