We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
