I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
