2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
