We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
