Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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