This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
