I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
