is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
