Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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