I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
