I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
