Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
