I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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