I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
