I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
