People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
