Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
