So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
