Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
