I'm going to rape someone's good day.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize