I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
