her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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