You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
