This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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