well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
