Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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