Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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